Mid-week long weekend in Northampton

Since my weekends are filled with comedy shows and teaching, mid-week is my weekend.

And this past mid-week, I headed out to Northampton to visit two of my sisters, Sarah and Elena, and the kids and men that come along with them. On the way there, Justin and I listened to the Louis CK comedy album Chewed Up. Louis CK is one of my favorite comedians, and let me tell you why. He is so very much so himself. He is no one else. If you listen to no other comedy, listen to him.

And also listen to me on my weekly Sunday 9 pm show at ImprovBoston, 40 Prospect St. in Cambridge, MA.

When we got to Northampton, we had dinner with my sister Elena and her kids and husband. While we were playing in the rumpus room (I named it that, because I like it better than "rec room"), my 3 (or 4?) year old nephew punched Justin really hard, right in the balls. My nephew laughed and ran away, delighted. Justin doubled over in pain, and my 7 year old niece and I watched Justin in solemn silence, until he slunk away to go tell on my nephew. Then my brother-in-law appeared and took my nephew away to teach him once again not to punch people in the junk. Earlier that night, my nephew punched me in my area, but it didn't really hurt so bad, since I have junk of steel, and I told him, "Don't punch me there. It hurts and I don't like it." And he was like, "Ok. Sorry."

Then we ate some delicious chicken that Elena made, and over dinner, we learned the bad words "crat" and "dannit" from my niece and nephew.

After dinner, I headed to my sister Sarah's place down the street, where we drank wine made from grapes grown at an usually high altitude, apparently, and did the age old "I-don't-want-this-trash bag-full-of-clothes-You-take-it" sister thing. Sarah held up each article of clothing, giving me it's history and why I should take it from her, and I either took it or did not.

It went like this:

Sarah: This shirt is from my first date with Jake. I just tuck the front part into my bra, and it looks really good. You should have it.

Maria: I don't have boobs like yours. I couldn't pull this off. And shouldn't you keep it forever? You are marrying him.

Sarah: Yeah, I'll keep it.

AND

Sarah: These red leather pants are my "sweet ass" pants. They're real leather! Whenever I'd wear them, my friend would spank my butt and say "sweet ass!" You have to have them. Real leather. Red!

Maria: How could I not take them? Thank you.

AND

Sarah: I don't think these black boots are in anymore. They're really pointy.

Maria: You're right, they're not in anymore. But they are pointy black boots.

Sarah: You could wear them SOMEwhere. You should have them in your closet just in case.

Maria: I need them. You're right.

AND

Maria: Sarah, why are these old Calvin Klein undies in this bag? Were you really going to put this bag in one of those big yellow clothing donation things with old undies in there?

Sarah: I JUST PUT STUFF IN BAGS! I WASN'T GOING TO GIVE MY OLD UNDIES TO THE HOMELESS!

Maria: And what about this black lace...what is..oh god.

Sarah: This looked really good on me - any poor person would be PSYCHED to get this teddy.

So I ended up with a whole new wardrobe of outdated boots and red leather pants. I'll be looking pretty hot and unfashionable at my next few shows, know that.

The next morning I met up with Elena for a 9 am Shiva Shakti Yoga class. The instructor is Baron Baptiste trained, and it was a great class. He said things like "Come into your feet. Feel your feet. Fifty years from now...thirty years from now..that IS now. FEEL YOUR CENTER."

and

"When I was younger, I used to go catch frogs with my dad down the cemetery. What I didn't know was that it wasn't about catching frogs, you know? BREATHE! BREATHE! BE ALIVE!"

I really enjoy the bullshit that comes out of the mouths of yoga teachers. I don't call it bullshit as an insult, and I'm not being sarcastic. I LOVE the absolute bullshit yoga teachers say. It's the type of stuff that only yoga teachers and potheads can get away with saying, and in the moments they say it, it makes total sense, because either you're sweating and twisting in a pose, or you're really high, and both times, bull like that makes perfect sense. So I love it.

After yoga, Justin and I went for some lunch at the new Student Union at Smith College, my beloved Alma mater, the place I give $10 to each year, even though I can't possibly afford to.

Being back on Smith College campus made me feel all nostalgic and gay- I wanted to grab a student walking by and shake her and say, "This place is magical! Appreciate it! It's not about catching frogs! BREATHE!"

Justin noticed how emotional I was to be back and chuckled about it. It's true, though. I love Smith so much. I love that there is this wonderful place for young women. It's such a gorgeous campus with beautiful buildings and smart, cool professors, and everything a young woman needs to learn who she is and how she can be most effective in her life. It was such a wonderful feeling in that moment I found out I was accepted and I got financial aid. My time at Smith was so comfortable - I felt so loved and supported and part of something that was just especially for me. And so did Justin, really, since he lived with me at my house, Albright, and all my housemates got used to having a houseboy eventually. So we both got nostalgic.

After we got back from Northampton, I listened to the second ever WICF podcast, with me and co-host Michelle Barbera with guest comedian Marty Johnson. We recorded it a few days ago, and when we were recording, I knew it was funny because we had to pause it now and then to stop laughing. But the finished product is literally fracking hilarious. Download it for free here and listen to it while you go catch frogs down the cemetery.