Workout Audition

I recently did an audition for a new chain of gyms. The whole idea was to portray a woman working out at home in front of her TV on a stability ball, falling all over the place. I just loved the opportunity to audition for some physical comedy. LOVED IT.

Maybe too much.

Yes, I happen to own some bright blue leggings and a lavender leotard and some hot pink legwarmers. So I put all that on. Then I put a sweatband around my head, some around my wrists, and a finishing touch, a purple belt around my waist. The highest part of my waist. A la Jane Fonda. I thought to myself, "Maria, you have to dress for success. You have to be in it to win it. You have to have a side ponytail. You have to put on these big awesome glasses you wore in this video.

When I got to the casting place, I noticed other women were wearing normal workout clothes. Hmmm. Was this not supposed to be a chance for a costume? They complimented me on my outfit, eyes wide, asking me if I owned this stuff. My answer: "I teach yoga, so you know. Yes. These are my real clothes."


I looked kind of like this, except not hot.

I waited an hour to audition specifically to be able to audition in front of the clients, so they could take in all my glory.

Once in the audition, I greeted the panel of clients, 5 very serious looking people sitting at a table right in front of me. They tilted their heads at my choice of wardrobe, seemingly confused.

"Okay, Maria, you read the concept?"

"Yes."

"So you are woman working out at home, and you're having a tough time with it."

"Okay."

"And, action."

I channeled Jennifer Saunders, jogging in place for a 3 second warm up.

I flexed, picked up the 3 pound hand weights, and sat down on the stability ball, immediately falling backward, my legs flying up in the air.

The sight of my hot pink legwarmers in the air above me was just delightful, but did I break character? No way.

Did it delight the clients? From the crickets in the room - no way.

I got back up to try sitting on the ball again. This time I rolled right off the side, plunking down and bouncing ever so slightly on my butt.

This got exactly ONE SNICKER from the clients.

"Now can you lift as if you are trying to follow a workout video?" asked the client.

"Sure."

I got in a lunge position, wobbling. I picked up the weights. I let my back knee drop, tipping over. I sprung back up. I busted out some hammer curls channeling Sigourney Weaver from Alien.

Half a snicker.

"Thank you, Maria. Can you please slate yourself for camera one more time?"

I did that, and thanked them for the opportunity to get in an absurd work out.

I didn't get a callback for this audition.

Too much with the costume? Maybe.
Too much falling all over the place? Maybe.
Too much fun? Definitely.